THE UGLY GOODBYES

Tired with the day’s work we retired to our office canteen to have tea and relax. Evening tea was ritual for our group (me, mk, shanno, manno n dhanno) and we had made it a point not to miss it. We all had our nicknames and m not saying what’s mine ;) . As soon as it was 5, we would head to our teerth sthaan(holy place), "THE CANTEEN". Most of the days the tea was just yuck, but what we liked was sitting together bitching about the work. It’s not that we always bitched about the work, but it was our favorite topic.

It was 15^th of Feb., a day after THE Valentine’s Day. My dear friends had been with their counterparts enjoying the V-Day. For us it was just another Tuesday, but for them it was the best day of the year, as if they had been watching doordarshan on a black n white TV and somebody got them a colour TV with latest channels on it. This is the closest description of their feelings that I can give, but I bet they felt much better than this.

We sat down with our cup of tea to talk about the V-Day celebrations. Everybody was pretty much excited to talk about it. Shanno showed us their pic... it was really cute, but she seemed a bit sad. Her boyfriend lived in another state and he had left this morning. She had been there at airport to bid him good bye. She seemed sad about that. MK started laughing n said, "u r acting as if he is going to Kargil for a war". She got a bit angry n said, "How would you know how tough it is to bid goodbye to someone you love". These words did have some effect on me coz it drove me into a flashback.

I had been in the same situation, saying goodbye to my girlfriend in an airport. My entire memory started reeling in front of my eyes in a flash. The most amazing thing about flashbacks is that you would just see the entire phase of your life in a few seconds.

It was 10^th of May, a day after my birthday. I had already checked the newspaper thrice hoping that it was still 9^th May, but the newspaper always showed the wrong date. We were sitting in the cab taking us to the airport. She sat beside me in my arms, her head resting over my shoulders. It was really a very warm feeling, something heavenly. It felt like my heart was at peace. As if it needed nothing except to be with her. Nothing in the world could match this feeling. We sat there quietly, both of our heart beating fast as the cab journey was coming to an end. I wished in my heart that this cab journey would never end but it reached the airport. My heart winced at the thought of her leaving. It felt as if it was our last moment together and we might not see each other again.

We got down the cab and I helped her unload her luggage. We stood there faking a smile, trying to act as if everything was fine,…….. it was not the end of the world. But could somebody explain this to our stupid, crazy hearts. Her flight time was getting near. It felt as if the clocks were running faster. God was playing some kind of practical joke, only it was not at all funny.

The announcement for security check had started. We both knew that it was time. I looked into her eyes, it was getting moist. I could feel my eyes getting moist too. I kept on telling myself not to cry…… after all guys don’t cry. I gave her a hug. I wanted to hold her like that forever.

I could feel a few drops trickle down my cheek. I quickly wiped them off before she could see them and carried on with my fake smile. I bet she did the same. Then she moved in for the security check. I was standing outside looking at her go ahead. Then she looked back. She could no more manage the fake smile. It felt like the entire world stopped, my heart stopped beating. That look on her face told everything. I wished I could pull her back into my arms and tell her "I love you". But all I could do was wave a goodbye. I stood there until I could see her no more. Everything looked so hazy. Maybe it was the tears that welled up in my eyes.

The entire scene flashed in front of my eye and I could feel the same feeling in my heart again. I wished she was there with me. The few seconds of flashback had re-winded an entire phase of my life. I looked up to shanno. I wanted to tell her, "I do know how it feels to say goodbye", but all I could do was fake another smile.